Aren't I supposed to sit on your face?
I havnt been this mad since the coche de Los murtos incident
Have you ever made a sandwich from swedish fish and tortilla chips?
your stepbrother is rimming his martinis with coke... keeps saying "thank god its tuesday". where does funemployment end and intervention begin?
my mom said i couldn't bring cigarettes cause it was a family trip, which was really irresponsible of her because now i have to walk around the beach drunk trying to find someone with cigarettes.
So you plan on doing double washing machine sex? Like. A double date. But with sex. On a washing machine..?
I've been drinking vodka for the last 12 hours at the beach and can't see straight and have awesome hair.
LIFE IS #1 SOMETIMES
We got buck wild in our animal onesies last night. You kept ripping off your tail in angry rages.
You came home And decided to make beer battered bacon... That's why there was smoke
Holy. Fuck. This mans mouth is magical. I love married men. I don't have to teach them.
Can I come take down that wallpaper yet? I stopped seeing that dude and I need to occupy my time with something besides getting drunk at bingo night and cussing out old people. Also, i'm not sure on the legal stipulations but I might have, unintentionally, committed grand theft auto at some point.
There are some things you can ever unsee. And walking in on your dad jerking off is one of those things.
Then he said,"I love you like a sister I like to have sex with."
Dude, the worst part is I can't even pretend it didn't happen because she posted a video of it on Facebook.
Would you say that skipping class and sitting alone in my room singing One Direction to myself and sobbing is an acceptable way to deal with the break-up
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