i feel like i'm waiting in line to date brett michaels
a woman just threw her tv out the window while screaming "will you fucking work now?". i'm never moving
I just creeped all your pictures on Facebook -- it was like I watched you grow up right before my eyes.
What am I legally allowed to do to a girl that is the equivalent of me punching her in the face?
It started as a joke and ended with a trip to the emergency room, a broken macbook and a gigantic hole in the concrete of my driveway.
explaining to a nurse how i all most cut my finger off playing beer pong, she def just hand me a AA booklet.
You guys don't happened to be dressed as gladiators, do you?
so i guess now we know you can get away with peeing mere feet from the Capitol if you shout IM PREGNANT at the guards
Two people confessed their love to me last night. Drunk is a good color on me
So again no comment on the cleavage. I'm a bit disappointed. If those girls come together to make cleavage AND I send you a pic of it, you have to comment on it. That's like relationship 101.
i projectile vomited shoeless at 7:30 a.m. in a taco bell parking lot. never again.
Was he a virgin!? DID YOU TAKE A GUY'S VIRGINITY ON MY FLOOR!?
Last 4 google searches: class c felony, scary ghosts, peanut butter jelly time, Lindsey lohans vagina
I’m going to give his broken heart CPR with my vagina
Omg. I checked my purse this morning and I'm pretty sure drunk me stole a frat guys tube of crest 3d white toothpaste. Like that's pretty fucked up but I think if I knew someone did that to me I'd probably still invite them over again cuz I'd be like, "this girl's creative, and has good hygiene."
Randomize
