he invited me to an all week drinking party at his house. apparently he knows the key to my heart is booze shaped.
Have you come up with a team name for the beer pong tournament on Saturday?
We can be the stepdads. If anyone asks why say because we beat you and you hate us.
Hey, remember that girl at rocklobster you thought was hot but were to pussy to talk to? You were right, her boobs are fake and she gives the best head on the planet. Can you come pick me up?
You're dead to me.
I am going to be the most sexually active ladybug that he has ever seen
you're in nursing school, now tell me what to do about a burned clit.
I just puked while everyone was releasing balloons. Im to hungover for this memoial service. Rest in peace great gramps.
I just want you to know how happy I am that you are circumcised.
Also, turning on the light this morning was a 3 step process. Way too hungover.
doing shots of $6 a bottle whiskey and chasing it with milk. my own personal way of saying fuck life.
Fuck away man. Like 3% of these new people will be back next week. This is the best week of the year to slam bitches at the gym.
you know you've had too much sex when your vagina hurts when you laugh
I tried to trade my phone for pizza last night. I guess I had priorities last night
I think I sold my soul to a dominatrix last night.
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST
If anything I look like a soccor mom going out for her annual ladies night. Trying hard, but not quite in her twenty's anymore.
Randomize
