Im listening to a jazz version of dick in a box.
just won the tropical speedo for $11. i didn't know they sold pussy magnets that cheap
you just broke rule number 1. If you can't lift her up don't date her
Omg just woke up. 6am. random apartment. broad daylight. bunch of ppl doin coke around me. Theres a bridge nearby. I think my dentist is down the block. Oof.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I was on hold waiting for customer service at verizon so we obviously we had enough time to have sex, i just put the phone on speaker
I just fell down the stairs in the library and further deviated my septum. That's why I don't study.
Have you asked your drug dealer if he wants to see harry potter with you?
There is a good chance that the other night after a wedding reception i was at that i mailed you a drink coaster.
Yehhhaaww I'm way ahead of you. I'm gunna get her a card that says " I'm sorry your now ex boyfriend decided to upgrade"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Apparently i asked the cab driver how much the ride was going to cost, (he said about $25) then i offered him 50 to let me drive the cab...
We need to be on the same page regarding the 3some this time. No more "one of us should probably leave" moments.
I try new drugs instead of new boys. That way you can't scold me about the importance of condoms
She only fucks to metal. I don't know whether to marry her or run for the hills.
Wanna get mid day margaritas tomorrow if I'm still alive
Woke up in a car, do you own a silver car parked a few miles form the house...hope so
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