"tonights gonna be a goodnight" was blasting at the club while i was screaming "NO ITS NOT" and crying. How do you think it went?
How did people poop without Blackberrys?
Motorola Razers?
Stone age, man.
I got her a Nickelback box set.
i just remembered i chipped my tooth last night when i pulled up your pants zipper with my teeth
Slurping strawberries throug a straw. It feels like the kool-aid man is coming in my mouth.
Im in his room watching him sleep. Im going to try and jerk off and not get caught by the nurse.
On another note, why did I wake up wrapped in bubble wrap. I can only assume it was for my own safety
we shared soup. that is literally the extent of my romantic life right now
He was dressed as a cowboy and he was dancing with my ex roommate. So I took his gun and pistol whipped him with it..then somehow we still slept together..
My penis is saying yes, several less important organs are saying noo...
He is so pussy whipped she has made him change his name to Toby
future reference: when you get a text that says "WARNING: EXPLICIT PHOTOS BEING DELIVERED. VIEWERS DISCRETION IS ADVISED." you always open the attached picture.
party devolved into two exes battling with Cal's tiki torches, and the lawn being set on fire kinda sorta and then we all hula'ed... hulaed?
He struggled for a second trying to unhook my bra and I said "4/10. Novice."
We almost drove away from the bar with a British stranger in our trunk...
Randomize
