Then he told me I had the most beautiful looking vulva
She said she never had to courage to go fully shaved. Since when did shaving your snatch become courageous?
homeboy just tried to sext with me at 8:30 in the morning while I was on a job interview...
so you did it...
obv...but still...it was inconsiderate.
Just found the bucket list I wrote when I was high...somehow I dont think "jello swimming pool" is gonna happen.
I'm going to be blunt here. I don't actually care what you're doing tonight. I just need to know if I need to shave or not.
He caught a squirrel with his bare hands twice. Where do you find these people?
I know for sure he's a bro because he closed the door so my gf didn't see me hooking up with her cousin.
I just saw a group of 50+ year old women all wearing shirts that said "drink up, bitches" ...please tell me that can be us some day.
bark. im thoroughly looking forward to kegs and eggs. next weekend should be pancakes and pinnical, then cereal and seagrams and then whiskey and waffles.
Had to. She was getting married in 2 days & her vag was having a close out sale. You know I love a good bargain.
Met my future wife peeing in the men's room. I stood in for the missing door on the stall. We really hit it off talking about how her butt didn't even touch the seat from all the years of squat lifting in high school.
I'm starting to think my role in the world is to inject batshit crazy, mentally unbalanced chicks with a dose of normal sperm.
You fucked that MILF against my car!
How would you know?
She scratched her name into my window with her bigass wedding ring. btw she wants you to call her
Today's goals: get day drunk then sober up in time for the walking dead tonight.
So he called his lawyer from the bar to confirm the cost of hitting the douchebag before flooring him. I respect his planning skills.
Randomize
