So, when he came he screamed MORTAL KOMBAT!!!! at the top of his lungs and all of his roomates yelled back FINISH HER!!!!.....yeah kinda akward
he said i was the most charming throwing up drunk person hes ever taken care of. so of course i had sex with him.
Welcome to texting with Mike. You're now leaving the sober section and headed to our insanely high bad decision making portion of mike. Enjoy the trip.
She kept looking at me and saying "you are the scary high".
He told his ice cream cone it 'looked cute' and then started to cry. The Dairy Queen people were not pleased.
Good news. Hiccups are gone. Bad news. I had to set the bathroom rug on fire to get rid of them. Don't come home until the fire truck leaves.
Every single item that was in my fridge is now in my hot tub. Please help
Well the streets were closed, so it was okay for me to just lay down for a little bit.
nothing says "functioning mature adult" like sneaking beer out of your mom's fridge in a lunchbox
He was trying to talk to me about standards while he had a french fry box on his hand like a glove and was using it to flatten his cheeseburger.
Neighbour is sobbing. Difficult to masturbate.
That's a lot of judgement coming from a man wearing a dress made from a bedsheet.
I don't know what you're doing this morning, but obtaining Plan B is my number-one priority.
There is a couple fucking in the outback bathroom and at first I thought it was sick but than I remembered my Outback fantasy with you and decided I can't pass judgements.
sexting just seems like too much work right now.
Randomize
