so..some girl walked up to me on the porch last night. She came to apologize for peeing on our lawn a few days ago. I just looked at her and said it was ok, she wasn't the first.
Went home with a 29 year old from the bar. Life lesson: 9 year olds stay up late sometimes
I'm so never shaving my vag in a target bathroom for him again.
Found a left over fake Olympic medal from our party last weekend. Awarded it to a random girl in the bar last night. Its the only thing she was wearing this morning when she woke up at my place.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
they said he just opened the front of his shirt and threw up alll over himself
Just saw two girls doing a walk of shame together. Slut bonding at it's best.
Writing a love song to planned parenthood. what rhymes with "don't have AIDS"
She definitely pulled a diaper out of her purse and cleaned up the vodka with it, where do you meet these people?!
They're letting me teach a freshman-laden class now. This university needs better background checks.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't know what I would do if cheese never existed
Someone's stooooned
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
Then you're three pancakes deep in regret.
I might volunteer to give breath samples on the 17th where I would be required to get drunk and then give samples! THE POLICE WOULD PAY ME AND PROVIDE THE ALCOHOL!
I woke up at 6:30 in the morning on the A train on 14th street. You wouldn't know anything about that right?
Hey this is your roommate. You know the one that let you have sex with her while you called out your exs name and cried?
I have no recollection of that. You must have the wrong number. P.s. your thongs still on the ceiling fan.
Randomize