So he thought it would be a nice gesture to show me his list of girls he fucked. There was 70. We then went through and put "V"'s next to all the ones that were virgins...
I feel like I'm back in highscool trying to hide my erections at work
hes totally cute, too bad i slept with his father
I dunno, but she kept buying me shots and asking me to go places with her. oh btw we're signed up to go bungee jumping Saturday
I just had to dig under a pile of condoms in my desk drawer to get to a blue book. Summer is officially over.
WHY ARE YOU SMOKING WEED WHEN YOU JUST HAD A STROKE. AND MORE IMPORTANTLY WHY ARE YOU DOING IT WITHOUT ME.
I may have just made our entire microwave glow green. Like big green. Like spark and make me shit green.
Like worse than the time I blew up the microwave with the egg green.
May or may not have just put tequila in my special "kids+" orange juice fortified with vitamins a, b, c, d, e, and now t.
The real estate's complaint had the words "loud squealing at 2am" in it. Then I remembered that was me spoon feeding you guys old potato salad while you screeched like baby birds. Great night.
She text me that night and asked how the dick was and I quote my drunk self "average at best"
should we try and roll a cross joint since its good friday? you know, for jesus
Can I drink yet?
It's Monday morning.
Your point?
How am i even supposed to meet his daughter? "Hi, Claire, I hear we have so much in common, like we both love your Dad and also we're almost the same age."
He slept outside in his hammock, and then took a lawn chair with him in the shower because he was too drunk to stand up.
All time low: no dry towels so I'm using the sex towel to dry off
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