I'm sorry that you don't think that "Daddy Issues" are a real thing, but I can tell you that some assholes who never went to their daughter's dance recitals are responsible for getting me laid...continuously.
I'm in my winter jacket and nothing else. very drunk. bring bitches.
i just realized i dont have a sober facebook picture since 2007
All I'm saying is that she needs to invest in some razors. But her head game is great. The pros and cons in last minute hook-ups
my mom just asked if she should wash your furry handcuffs with the lights or darks
I just had a flashback of 4:30am: me hugging the toilet bowl and you handing me a jar of pickles to open. There is something seriously wrong with us.
just walked past the recycling bin in class, there's keystone cans in it. go cougs.
I'm about to sell my hamster for weed money I'll call you in a few
I peed on his girlfriend's loofah during our post-sex shower.
only i would grind with someone to harp music at a gay wedding
somebody went from crying while watching Full House, to a full on emotional raging bull...I love this time of the month
I made it crystal clear I'm only upset because he's not anywhere fit to be a father of my unborn zygote
Can we smoke pot out of a menorah?
Apparently I was walking around with a slice of bread and wine saying, "Jesus would have wanted this." 🙄 🍞🍷
I feel like that japanese guy who ate all the hotdogs. Except replace hotdogs with sailor jerrys. And instead of a trophy and world record I just get a hangover at work
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