I told her it just looked small because my balls were gigantic. She bought it.
I just high-fived this girl after she swallowed.
One of my students just said I have "big mommy parts". Even third graders know that my tits are too big. God I love em.
chinese tourists just took a picture of me....im pretty sure i heard the bus drive say something about shame.
she's on the floor slapping my dogs face with slices of pizza
he actually managed to pick a girl up by telling her that her skirt was ugly and she didnt do a good job with her makeup. thats some seriously low selfesteem
They left me passes out in the food donation bin with an empty handle and a half eaten box of nutter butters
I'm proud of you, you were pretty classy last night, you didn't puke AND you didn't take off your shirt, except for those two times in the corner.
literally just blacked in. Im watching what to expect when your expecting, eating pretzels and peanut butter, and I have someone's underwear around my neck.
I'd go lesbian for $50 and a good phone case.
Company meeting and there he was. Felt a little weird like 'last night you were telling me how your dick loves me, and now we're listening to a report on sales figures'.
That was right around the time that the drunken mess pulled out his dick in front of myself and like 10 other people and started peeing all over the train platform while saying, "Sometimes a bear gets you brother. Sometimes a bear gets you."
Pretty standard Thursday night commute for you, no?
I don't need no damn man when I have the cock-a-nator 2000.
On another note I never thought having a drug addicted stalker would prove useful
I just watched will sing pure imagination from willy wonka and then blow a banana
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