Eric just called. Says he's trapped in a cul de sac because the road disappeared. Wants me to tell him what street has the bushes that whisper sweet nothings into you ear and the wobbling purple pokemon. Oh, and a "bigger and better" penis is growing out of his belly button. He took shrooms by the way.
I wouldn't call it sex. It's like when you put a plug in a socket half way. It's not all the way in but it still turns on the light.
you're thinking of things to pack this weekend and you think Don King wig?
I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE.
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You just said we could build a blanket and pillow "fuck fort." Of course I'm never leaving you.
She saves ONE person's life while blacked out and now she's positive anything can be done "while fucking hammered"
I feel like having peed on eachother is a point in our lives we should never have gotten to...
You're the only person I know who would be upset about making out with a girl you like. You're like a drunken Charlie Brown.
You disappeared for 10 minutes. Then came back with nothing but your boxers and a life jacket on to tell us we were all screwed when the flood came and you would be the only survivor.
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Well, our assistant supervisor caught us on the back stairs...he invited us on a double date with his fiance and him. I guess our job approves of the relationship?
Did you really just call a picture of your erect penis art?
It's funny that when I fall down as an adult I'm so much happier no one saw than that I'm not seriously hurt.
So I've reached a new low. After completing my walk of shame and being told "see you around", I took off my heels to discover he had came in my shoe.
I saw his new girlfriend. She was flashing people, short and kinda chubby. I was happy with my life after that.
I got a pots and pans set and a vibrator. Merry Crisis.
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