It feels like I shit a light bulb that shattered on the way out.
her last google searches are 'cheap african safari' and 'what does lion taste like'
I mean this holiday was built on cheap beer, shitty whisky, and processed meat... and I fully plan to honor that
if you hear someone banging on your door early in the morning, it's me with some breakfast burritos, so don't be alarmed
I think i blacked out...but i remember licking your teeth
Uuh, dude you came running out of the bar screaming you didn't want to hear that song, ran face first into a truck, spun around 3 times and hit the sidewalk. I tried to catch you.
One of my students in my 8am class brought me a Tim Hortons cup with a bloody Mary in it. Clearly, I didn't manage to look not drunk when I ran into him at Denny's at 4am. Who decided to let me teach?
You can identity the picture as me the mistress his wife and him. It's that kinda awkard.
We made a water bong out of a wine bottle... Being an architect major finally payed off.
I just took a shower and found half a cookie melted under my boob. Please tell me there's a reason
Drunkenly bought a $240 realtor course last night. Apparently even drunk me thinks my future is going nowhere
4:37 am. You're wearing underwear and carpet skates. Borderline crying. You want to punch Morgan. Have not stopped singing Give Your Heart a Break.
how fucking stupid do you have to be to think I'm going to accept your friend request months after falling asleep during one night stand sex?
Some nights you just end up digging your mcdouble out of the trash and eating it. it happens.
How bad was it?
Stopped drinking Sunday, hungover on Tuesday bad.
Randomize
