you know how you have to have just the right ratio of chips to sandwich? same goes for pubes.
Now that the olympics are over we have no excuse for getting belligerently drunk for nationalism every night.
Dude. No way. She insults the term butterface. She's a butternothing.
Just sold this kid "Magic Furry Apples". He is way to high to figure out they are just peaches.
At least he's a nutritious stoner...
That bad?
Full length cargo pants, running shoes, and a partial unibrow. Alcohol really is blinding.
I was just on craigslist and saw and ad for a naked yoga instructor. I will no longer be jobless.
First lesson of the year: don't close the bar on mondays
new girl just came onto the hall stumbling drunk with no shoes on and the guy who brought her doesn't have them either
Everything tastes like Lysol. Am I dying?
Major win last night. I traded my roommate two cigs for a six pack and a bag of beef jerky. This has been a Brian weekend update
Mom and I are both drunk and walking around the Strip. It's like the hangover but with a lot more bathroom breaks.
I don't have the resources to adequately explain this. I need like a Powerpoint presentation and also Vodka.
He's bringing a lesbian pretending to be his girlfriend to family Christmas. I can not wait to see how this goes.
QUIT STEALING MY PHONE AND SEXTING MY MOM!!!!
Okay, let's just all take a step back and think about how funny this will seem in like a year... Maybe 2 if his nose is actually broken.
Randomize
