I just went through her cupboards. Eye patch and sword. nowhere near each other. different shelfs.
And "sexual slave/chef" was as it turns out not a real career choice...
she let a homeless guy feel her up so she could go for a ride in his shopping cart
I inspected his penis with a mini flashlight to check for visible stds...he was clean
Me. You. Shitty green clothes from Savers that we will dub alligator costumes. Middle of the quad tomorrow at noon. Bring your alligator voice and the pearls before swine comic.
I'm just going to text him the word sex repeatedly until he comes over.
Did it work?
Duh, it only took 27 texts and 15 minutes and he was at my front door.
Last I remember we played rock paper scissors for who would fuck the guy with cowboy boots on and I won..
because i know somewhere at some party, behind someones closed bed room door youre being feed a key full of mollie.
He snapchatted me his dick and he's circumcised....BRB going to hug his Mom
apparently my new 420 ritual is to look at the clock at 4:20 and realize i'm already too high
DROP EVERYTHING! Gatta go get tested for herpes, lets make an adventure out of it.
I've orgasmed so many times tonight I think I've become enlightened
last night I used snow as a chaser
He tried to grab your ass, but he grabbed my hand cause I grabbed your ass first. I saved your ass..literally. Your welcome.
My son's girlfriend just thanked me for having good penis genes.
Randomize
