he pissed his pants, and she still wants to hook me up with him. I try not to date guys with bladder control problems... Unless they're loaded anyway.
he told me my vagina needed a tic tac
Hannah Montana > iCarly
I'm disregarding that text and your testicles entirely
you told his mom that the only thing he wants for christmas is his dick in your mouth
The really sad thing is that I actually practiced crawling in my room yesterday in preparation for today
I think I just used lyrics from the Sister Sister theme song to let a guy down easy...
Your panties and toothbrush are in your mailbox. just not ready to be with anyone serious. take care.
When theres a zombie apocalypse, i will be the only fat survivor. I ate chef boyardi ravioli with part of a pen for a fork
Is it a bad thing that I've made out with everybody I work with?
This Pinterest wedding planning is a good distraction. I'm great at this, my imaginary wedding is beautiful
So somehow today's lecture on the immune system turned into me having to stand up and explain female ejaculation to the class.
tuscaloosa is terrifying
like people here are just empty shells of drugs and sin
there is no mercy here
If I'm gonna have a rotation of guys, I really should stop them leaving boob bruises...
if you were broke and planning on using koolaid as a tequila chaser which flavor would you pick?
No fucking Jell-O shots or meth. Those are the rules
Randomize
