A few things for you to consider: 1. Drunk enough that I'm looking up the dictionary definition of Wish. 2. Dictionary.com has new features. 3. Windows is offering me 500 business cards for 5 bucks. 4. I've always wanted a card that says I'm a ninja
Max was wondering if he could trade you sex for the use of your jumper cables
I'm wearing boardshorts as underwear to work. This is bachelorhood
I guess at this point I should stop judging guys on their looks and more on their major and trust fund. Growing up sucks.
I'm not judging you... I'm judging our friendship
U took a sewing needle to his nipple
Psshh,
STD scares really help you understand the whole six degrees of separation thing...
haha all our friends are at the carnival and I'm on stage dry humping a 40 year old
i have to vacuum my washing machine now, asshole
I had a dream that I got you so wet that you flooded my apartment
Would it be weird to bake him a cake that says "sorry I peed on your bed"?
You should really look at your snapstory. It has us screaming " MANSION DICK! SUCK IT! FUCK IT!" By the way im currently in a mansion and need you to pick me up
she's pretty fucking smug for someone who has had unprotected sex with a convicted felon
the walk of shame isn't very shameful when your mom tells you she's proud of you.
FUCK YEAH PUPPY BOWL
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