I found a pair of size 15 female undies on my floor?? is that big?
great sex! but now the fight over who sleeps on the wet spot starts.
she was so hung over that i had to hold her hair while she puked in a trash can in the middle of the student center as new freshman and their parents walked by.
I just saw a Puerto Rican child between the ages of 8 and 11 with a faint mustache talking very loudly on the bluetooth in his ear about how "Skittles are played the fuck out"
Thanks for stealing lime trees for me at 4:00 am. We're well on our way to having sustainable supplies for mojitos this summer.
I can't believe you just thanked me for a blowjob on my Facebook wall...
You probably don't remember this but last night I bought you a lap dance from a stripper that had nipples that looked like runny eggs....you're welcome.
You can do it. What doesn't kill us just drives us to drink
You know how I got mad at him for making out with his formal date? Apparently I fucked mine. I'm guessing any exclusivity is out of the question.
I remember trying to cut the power to a house I thought was "too bright to understand the meaning of christmas". Pretty sure I blacked out down the street.
Okay. So my choices are the sleeping Guy who looks about twelve and a man that looks like he was the original sandman. Im gonna need a beer for this......
We had a moment of silence for all of the orgasms he gave me with his beard before he shaved it off.
I made it to work. Still drunk. Definitely pregnant.
You threw up at the outdoor bar and it was pretty...astonishing just how much can come out of such a small human.
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
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