Everytime she opens her mouth it's like a fucking terrorist attack on my life.
i may or may not have puked on your loofa in the shower.
dude I heard her through my door. She sounded like you were holding her head under water and they letting her up for air. I recorded that shit
Interesting preview of what next year will be like. Side note, missing a chunk of flesh from my middle finger.
he passed out at 11 at a party. he deserved to be stripped down an duct taped to the floor
and my souvenir for the night was a nice ambulance blanket
Two girls just making out in the elevator. Didn't stop when the doors opened. Part of me didnt mind, but part did. Bc I wanted to get on the elevator without it getting awkward. Am I gay?
Only you two could pull off a partner swap with honeymooners
I just want to be able to run around naked and eat grass with no judgments and have people feed me and expect me to sleep all the time.
Being single/not living at home sucks. All I want is someone I can force to pick up my pizza for me so I don't have to talk to anyone.
he can get married early and ruin his life but he sure as hell isn't ruining mine with a shitty bachelor party
do you remember yelling out "insecurity makes my pussy dry!" unnecessarily loud at the bar?
i texted "amiibo vore" to my insurance agent instead of someone else. do you think they'll raise my rates out of disgust?
I’m home.
I’m aware. I just dropped you off.
I brought coffee but not enough for the naked guy on your porch
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