drank two beers while on the toilet at home during lunch break. new high or new low, not sure
Instead of having sex, we spent the entire night making pillow forts and have sword fights. I think I'm in love
i had to do the walk of shame dressed as a leprechaun. I have never been more proud of my irish roots.
I smell like Captain Morgan and tears
Literally best acid trip ever. Better than sex. At one point she looked over at me, started crying, holds up her hands and said "dinosaur tears of sadness". Craziest roommate ever.
It's that "make a Pringle and Twinkie sandwich" kind of depression.
Meeting his dad and brother for the first time at the jail while I'm bailing him out ISN'T exactly how I pictured this relationship going....
Which one of you fuckers thought itd be funny to see if the kitchen table can float.
He is nice. Kind of short though. But didn't try to rub his jean cock on me.
Which I appreciated.
What kind of scumbag goes to a baby's 1st birthday party with a black eye? This kind. Me. I'm disgraceful.
BTW car sex works all the muscle groups. Just sayin. Legs/butt are sore as are arms, back and core.
Only you would consider your best friend fucking your boyfriend to be a sign of everlasting friendship
I DO have hobbies! I drink. I drink more. I catfish men on Grindr with photos of guys who are less attractive than me. I listen to Lovecraftian podcasts. I'm very well-rounded.
Thank you for stroking my rage monster tonight.
I twisted my ankle while drunkenly playing in my adult kickball league. Now I'm having to use my grandpa's cane to walk at this party. I am so single.
Randomize
