we just decided that lesbian tuesdays are a must, as of tomorrow.
I just got an email from a bridal website with the subject "Countdown to your Wedding Day"... is 11AM too early to drink the rest of the wine we have?
I'm functioning at the level of a challenged walrus.
at one point i was feeding a guy sour cream chips and he made me make the "choo choo" noise as they were going in. \ni feel so much closer to him now.\n
1. Sorry about making it snow. 2. If it left a mess, I will be over to clean it. 3. Can that fire extinguisher still be used? If not, I'll buy a new one. 4. I just wanted to make it snow!
It was like the perfect storm of bad decisions.
I just...no. You make my soul cry. You are giving me karma-cancer. This torture of my majesticness can no longer be tolerated.
This is that think about life weed. Thank god I'm in American lit this semester. I can actually write papers in this vat of introspective stoned.
yea I went to the store high again.. I think we're having pie for dinner.
Best case scenario I do a bunch of dirty things to you, blow your mind and you enjoy it. Worst case I stare at you, poke at you, smile and droll on myself, you laugh.
Would it be crossing a line if I told him that I now know his girlfriend has a huge mole on her left ass cheek?
Just broke my no shot rule again.. Made out with a stranger. That's 0 for 3 this month for the record
if you and your penis don't hurry up, I'm getting drunk without you.
I had a date last night. His dog threw up in his bed while we were having sex in it.
I had a threesome with my hot neighbor and his GF and by threesome I mean I heard them getting it on in their apartment and I was in my apartment with a vibrator
and I may have moaned his name loud enough that they heard me because now he won’t make eye contact
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