After we had sex, she played this little piggy with my toes
i had 75 notifications coming from ur status. here i was thinking i had friends.
he must have thought the song was "ejacuate on the dance floor"
I just realized I've stolen a hat from every guy I fucked. Except the last one. Maybe there is hope for me.
Trying to guess which perfume the stripper was wearing based on my bf's clothes
did i paint my nails blue or do i need to make a trip to the ER?
So take that alcohol. I still win. I ALWAYS WIN. Plus i didn't have to wear clothes. DOUBLE WIN.
She's just done the monthly not prego dance around our kitchen
i decided this morning while eating my breakfast of red bull and cold pizza that i should take a vow of celibacy
I look like a bag of dicks so if you could ugly yourself up that'd be great.
You know, I think when I have a lot of free time, thats when I pick up odd lovers. Maybe keeping busy is key to not using my vagina
You peed in my kitchen, while crying and insisting my floor was a toilet.
I am googling "notable people who had syphilis"
She's kind of holyer-than-thou, like god himself came down and said "please cock block your roommate at every opportunity, and if you think she's thinking of sex, tell her she's a whore"
Would an open wound count as good sex or bad sex?
Randomize
