apparently i'm not the first person wake up and realize she's ugly cuz i tore this house apart and there is no sign of my clothes
dont ever smoke after you drink again... i dont think ive ever seen...or heard of someone throwing up and farting at the same time. that is, if you were farting.
we cant have a funnel and a dog. thats a lot of responsibility
Right now I can't do anything that will ban me from donating plasma. That is a legit source of income for me.
Any day you don't mysteriously wake up in the garbage is a good day.
Believe it or not, Travis and I simultaneously breaking beer bottles over eachothers heads was not a good idea.
Hey, I got 20% of the people home that I was responsible for. I can't be expected to do much more.
So, sleeping with all of my Vicodin in my bra because I knew she'd be searching my room for drugs tonight. I'LL SHOW HER.
Dude. Get me out of here. I'm surrounded by glitter-faced 40 year olds in halter tops. The desperation here is so thick you can taste it.
And after that you guys started calling arbor mist "breakfast juice"
Took three klonopin and turned all my jeans into jorts. I miss you
In my opinion the party was fun, but i did A LOT of cocaine so my view was a little distorted......
Is it bad that I'm using the photo I took for my fake ID as my linkedin profile pic?
Is there anything more American than getting day drunk and watching Hulk Hogan promos?
Guess who won a basket of sex toys in front of his parents, aunts, uncles, sister, and cousin...
Randomize
