I just ate 3 burrito supremes and a crunchwrap...can't feel feet...I think I have diabetes
Spencer Pratt, I WILL beat the shit out of you someday, I Promise
while fucking on the counter the whip cream was conveniently right next to us. i love thanksgiving
i'm not sure if i'm mentally prepared for this.. politeness? proper grammar? book reader ? this is a whole new meaning of the species penis for me.
Tequila is the liquid version of celery. I lose more calories during tequila drunk and the following sexual activities than I gain by drinking it...
My one night stand found me at the library and randomly gave me plan B. He was scared I was going to get pregnant because he has a very high sperm count.
We fucked in my trunk while on the clock....what did you do at work today?
I feel like I have heartburn in my nipples.
dude she got out of bed and definitely took a shit then checked her stomach out in the mirror and whispered "well that probably took off five pounds"
She got the hiccups while deep throating me. It was epic. Once in a lifetime experience.
Best part of Friday afternoon drinking? Having ping pong balls thrown into my cleavage.
You just said the word 'slut' out loud in your sleep and then made a moaning noise
He was imitating a sprinkler when he started puking. Hence- vomit sprinkler. Some people just can't handle their tequila
The end of the friendship was inevitable. I hooked up with her cousin and forgot to mention it to her
He's honking my boob in his sleep
It's innocent and endearing in some way
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