belinda wants 2 know wr u got ur butt pads
i dont wear butt pads that thang is au naturel
Yeah...right...LMAO
We were having sex on the balcony and this guy walked by, so drunkily i said "dont move, he cant see us if we dont move."
I sold my books for weed money!
Finals don't start for a week...
you know you've made it when it's your own pool table you're waking up on
Drinking wine in my childhood bed getting ready to go to sleep in order to wake up for my menial temp job. Thanks, college degree, I can handle the real world.
I dont know how to say this. But the hottest girl where im at has one arm.
I smell like gasoline and adventure.
On the way home she put on a necklace with her name on it and wrote my name in sharpie across my chest so that in the morning we could avoid the awkward Idk who the fuck you are conversation. Best. Girl. Ever.
You thought your socks were broken. They were just inside out.
Yeah everyone's alive and well besides the still terrifying threat of Ted's conception of a human being
He keeps telling me he's gonna get me dope for my birthday. 1. HELP ME. 2. HOW IS THAT AN ACCEPTABLE BIRTHDAY PRESENT. Also, please HELP ME.
You HAVE to stop telling me about the shit you do drunk. I can't be both your brother AND your gay friend.
I'm only bisexual one week out of the month. Nothing like ovulation hormones to make the genders of my hookups seem completely irrelevant.
I just want somebody who'll randomly bring me pizza and lovingly squeeze my butt. Is there a dating app for that, do you think?
He wanted me to do the rubix cube. He thought it was hot.
Randomize
