My mouth tastes like defeat. Did he at least have money?
Di me a solid and hit me with your car.
we dont know what were doing after yet. first up we have 90 beers and a party kit and fun hats.
New plan, instead of sleeping with her, I'm just going to use her to sleep with the entire sorority.
I swear he shrunk like 2 inches. Remind me that drunk sex needs to remain drunk sex.
After four attempts, his condom would not flush. I had to remove it with salad tongs.
Just had flashback to me showering u with stir fry as u rythed on the floor
I woke up this morning with a pop tart under my pillow with one bite eaten. Another pop tart was in the floor. No recollection whatsoever. I ate the one under my pillow for breakfast, though.
Nothing like banging your nurse in the shower while staying in the hospital
If you can't drink with the big boys, give up your beer and go back to the playpen
No one wanted to hang out so vodka and I are hanging out
Smoking a bowl and ordering Dominos, you want in on either, both, or none?
I crawled to the bathroom this morning there were cornpops scattered on the floor? What was I doing last night?
She won't let me meet her hot new boy toy just because she thinks it'll lead to us having a threesome. It's not fair. I thought we were friends...
I just hit 3 trees and a golf cart.. all on the same hole
Put me down for a bogey
Randomize
