Considering last night's endeavors, I am going to hell 5 times over. 1 for puking on a hobo, 1 for laughing about it, and 3 for remembering it today and laughing about it sober
I was told to ask you about memoirs of a geisha.
Can you give me a hickey quick? Im going to a white trash themed party. Completely serious
mind if i send you a dick pic? so you can see what she wasn't doing right?
Were going to have to vacuum the bathtub, great party
Imagine getting a FB inbox "hey I found your ID on the floor of a bar can you send me a mugshot so I can get a second piece of ID made?"
i had a tequila and emotion induced one night stand with a random stranger. senior year: infinity me: 0.
I woke up the other day with my Google browser open to "DIY lip injections"... I also just received a vial of hyaluronic acid and a package of TB syringes from amazon. I'm down.
I will have no part of this.
Walking towards a police car with full spotlights on you while being fully erect..awkward exp. for both parties
I have tasted many bathrooms
He actually said the words 'I miss you' followed by 'I wanna have sex with your face'. I'd say that's a win.
I am talking to a naked lesbian about robots. I think this means I win life.
the girls would appreciate it if you invited over some drunk, single, straight men with low standards.
She asked me to tell her the three words every girl wants to hear so I whispered "I play hockey" in her ear.
Laying in bed naked is fun. I now see why guys love boobs... They're sooo bouncy! This long distance relationship is really killing my sex life.
Randomize
