I'm in a room alone pouting because I got the wrong nachos at taco bell.
News update: stealing a playground is harder than it looks.
Just took a celebratory "i havent slept with anyone in this bar" shot. yesssss....
im not gonna bother asking u how it was... we could hear u through the walls
She kept saying 'I love you' but i couldn't tell if she was talking to me or to her beer.
OK WHO CHANGED MY RING TONE TO LADY AND THE TRAMP AND CHANGED EVERY CONTACT IN MY PHONE TO 'SOME GUY I FUCKED'?
Babe. You eat pussy like a god warrior sent from a galaxy far far away to destroy female genitalia with new realms of pleasure. That's how I know your not gay.
My booty call just put me down for a reference for her job at the hospital. What am I supposed to say? She gives great bj's?
i found out she really is a mensa member
so she was the smartest passed out on the floor hair encrusted in vomit girl at the party
fucked a girl in Bentley hall at ten tonight, came on the carpet and I plan on doing it in another building soon. Watch where you walk
I bet Billy Ray Cyrus wishes he had pulled out now....
I think i'm the first person to get kicked out of a club while completely sober. Come outside please!!
I barely trust you with my tinder, why would I let you take the staples out of my head?!
He washed his dick in my kitchen sink after sex. I think he might be a keeper.
I was looking at your nipple and it made me think of you
Well I hope so...
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