All I want to do is go home, strip down to my pants, get in the shower and pee down my leg
I either just heard my neighbors having sex or she really agreed with whatever he was talking about.
I'm having sex on a snuggie, yes i stopped to text you
how do i say "thank you for the blowjob, but never talk to me again" without crushing her?
Definately laid on the floor of the shower this morning drinking the water as it fell on me.
we are sitting in a kindergarden classroom alone chugging beer. look at our lives. look at our choices.
This is your monthly public service announcement that sexual services will temporarily cease from Wednesday night to Monday. Please plan accordingly and have a nice day =D
since you saved your number in my phone as "the hot chick you met last Friday" I don't know who you are either
I hereby state that I am over the age of 18. If I am not of age to purchase or consume alcohol products, I hereby acknowledge that I have not received any alcohol products from said party host. Also, in the event of injury or death, said party host is not to be held accountable. Please reply with your full name and today's date for your e-signature". *note: no text, no entry.*
Sorry bro, just a precaution. You know, ever since the "Jake incident". What a douche.
how did my horoscope know i was too hungover to operate a stove.
Saturday morning. Went into a study room excited b/c some1 had left a paper w/ an inspirational quote: YOU ARE cApable of aChieving anything yoU waNT. Then I read the bold letters.....
We wore fake mustaches and shirts that said team mustache ride to a party we weren't even invited to
She just won 2 Grammys at 17 and were sitting here hotboxing our half bathroom
At the bar in my pajamas again
Ummm that is the 3rd time this week and it is Wednesday
A total of 3 guys left my apartment this morning. That was my first clue to my black out endeavors last night. Gotta love wine Wednesdays.
Randomize
