Now it won't go down.
You've got a gift.
Is it awkward that I've slept with every guy in this room?
Only if they know about it too.
I'd do that. But we would need storm trooper helmets.
You need Jesus like Tony Danza needs another hit show.
Is it because I queefed?
Well i have to fuck at least one of your roommates this year to keep the tradition alive.
So what do you think the policy is on vomit in rental cars? do I have to clean that up or is that part of the service I'm paying for?
My neighbor just watched me eat a granola bar without pants, this is a whole new level of unemployed
About six hours after the bottle of smirnoff, I was googling "losing your stomach lining" and calling my mom for help. She has experience.
nah i think i'm gonna take my landlord's kids trick-or-treating instead. apparently the houses around here hand out wine to the adults and candy to the kids.
I can motorboat myself in this new push-up bra. I need to go out tonight.
You know what would make this walk of shame even better? Picking up my cap n gown on the way to my car
That moment when your mom is so drunk she makes you get out of bed to lay in her bed because she thinks it feels like sleeping on a marshmallow peep....
Just watched someone fail a field sobriety test. Miserably. At 4:50p. I think it's my future husband
God bless him
You know those times when you're sitting down for a while and r like damn I'm sober but then stand up and r like WOAH HOLD UP.
Randomize
