Hey theres a creepy ass guy stalking our house.i would look alive geting in 2nite.
Do you want the good news or bad news first?
bad news
The bad news is i thew up on your bed, the good news is i found out who ate your cheetos.
Because the last time i saw or spoke to him he came all over me in a hammock.
Two penises later: I might be straighter than I think.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
When else am I ever going to have a chance to do lines with T-Pain?
Someone just knocked jenga into a plate of cake. I'm licking off each piece one by one.
What would you say is a healthy ratio of sex vs. being called a fucking asshole in a relationship?
There is nothing wrong with me introducing you as elephant dick. Nothing.
Only ESPN could find the two ugly girls from a school in Florida
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
YO. MCGRIDDLES.
How exactly does a handjob become fancy?
Blueberry lube, and champagne.
All my friends are going on vacations with their boyfriends while I’m over here in court trying to get a restraining order against my ex....
You can’t judge a dick by its balls.
Sorry about you walking in on the whole nude kinect dancing. The new roomie was drunk and naked and told us he was either over dressed or we were under dressed for the party. And Amy figured it would be easier to join him than it would be to dress him
Man I can't believe I took a huge dump in a public garden
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