my grand plan for the evening is to do shots of vodka til i cant anymore
she just put all the cheese in the refrig to sleep.. and yes we did finish you bottle.
We waited til after. Not even drunk sex felt right during a Disney movie.
Even though ive seen her get fisted by another girl at a party, shes still a doctor.
I fell asleep to him stroking my ass calling it his precious.
You text him a porn site address and said GOODBYE ... I think he got the hint
I just gagged from thinking about the amount of tequila we will be drinking. DRUNK TUESDAYS
not a day goes by that I don't wish you were here or I there. Today it was because I had the desire to get high and go look at the jellyfish at the aquarium and you're the perfect buddy for that.
At one point 12 people dressed in care bear onesies were up on stage grinding super nasty, and two of the girl Care Bears were making out.
If this wasn't a hallucination, we need to go to this magical kingdom every night of the week.
some dude just accurately guessed my height and bra size.. that is cup AND inches around. creepy, yet impressive
Nothing will stop me from making the title of my paper "The Great Political Cock Block." Absolutely nothing.
There are horrible decisions in life and then there are tequila flavored moonshine decisions
The reason why I poison my organs is so that you guys can't sell them.
Your parents are gone and we haven't fucked in their bed... why?
So how often do you needs to see my tits today then?
Randomize
