after we finished he farted and said 'i've been holding that one in'
all the douches that like ed hardy are the same douches that were obsessed with lisa frank
She showed me her prom dress from 2001, which still had her date's cum stain on it.
Oh, so that's why you call her jizzarella....
You were so hammed, you asked your buddy in Economics to plot a demand curve for Parmesan Cheese.
Thats two for two birthdays where I've gotten the "alcoholism runs in the family" speech
i just opened a bottle of wine with my dads power tools
dude there is absolutely no room for a slide in our room
Next time when I try to seductively eat onion rings while drunk remind me of tonight.
Whoever was the last to get in from the chinese firedrill had to pay the dealer.
There must be a happy medium universe where you get it on with my girlfriend enough to cause me pain but not a full on cardiac arrest. It's a fine line to tread though.
It turns out my English teacher used to pose for Playboy. She's an inspiration.
If that orgasm indicates how the rest of the year is going to go, I need to buy rain boots.
He literally stole all the change that was on my floor and ran away while I was peeing. I have to rethink my standards.
Well the cops were called after the kid fell, but we saw 4 cute guys from our window while it was going down, so it wasn't all that bad.
Talk all the shit you want but I slept in a oversized monster truck tire last night.
Randomize
