he looked about as manly as a guy in a volkswagen bug can look
i dont know what to do
with your life?
no, with my silly bandz, im already wearing 3
Easy for you to say! His first impression of you isn't the drunk girl in a turtle costume who got hit by a car!
I've crashed the car, it's a write off. The police are here and I'm dressesd as a crayon.
Thanks for putting pants on me last night. And for calling me a princess.
I world jack off literally anyone now that I'm not related to.
Idk. The last coherent text said something about $25 & dimes. And then...it's just letters...
Winning the lottery was the best thing that ever happened to my penis.
Greatest pickup line ever: "We are out celebrating winning the lottery."
Just fat and dog and sweat all over the bed. All night long.
Doing bumps while the kids play upstairs. #bestnannyever
I'm more worried that you thought licking a pole on Bourbon street would turn me on
I slept with one of the directors so you would get a good price on the ballroom for your reception. I'm the best MOH. You owe me bitch
I sign my lease Thursday, I'm about to be released back into the wild.
I'll make missing person signs.
You're a good friend.
There's a fine line between kinky and serial killer
YOu just turned down my vagina. Something must be wrong. Vegas changed you!
Randomize
