Yeah I guess I was Pocahontus. If she were a trifling drunk who hung out in her undies, with possible brain damage.
was stoked on phone sex until he started reciting lines from star wars
remember when jerking off was fun and not a neccesity
Gym doesn't open till 11. I'm sure that of the other four people waiting in the lobby, I'm the only one still drunk and only going to the gym to shower.
i convinced her i need a blow job every morning to wake up because i have a medical condition.
She's all pretty and bubbly and nice and I'm sitting here stoned looking like Lucifer.
I'll even give you a complementary welcome blowjob.
I don't think ill be here long the chick I came to see is blowing rails with a drag queen
Seriously? You DON'T remember putting all those Swedish fish in the waffle iron b/c you wanted "One big Swedish fish?" That waffle iron was a wedding gift.
Someone's vagina was extra sandy cause the left side of my bed feels like the beach.
this place is dumb. no one understands my Sunday morning alcoholism here.
You keep talking about hotdogs and yelling "COME ON DOWN, LET ME SEE WHAT YOU'RE WEARING"
Is it bad when your own grandmother calls you a whore?
I swear to God...this day is one great big who's who in the land of fucked uppedness.
I asked him if we could have sex sometime and he sent me a three page long text about his feelings for me. that's the only possible situation I've ever run into where a "k" response would have been more appropriate.
Randomize
