I like how you formally end text interactions, just turn your phone off or don't respond you pervert
Haha so you are never gonna want to meet my mom now...she just found your thong in her front seat
When I meet a new girl, I'm terrified of mentioning something she hasn't already told me but that I have learned from some light internet stalking.
mike has just informed me of all the things he would put in his pussy if he was a woman. this includes door stops, power drills & g.i. joes.
"and then my dad would be all like 'hey mike, where's the remote?'"
He wore homemade jorts on our first date. I'm not sure if I should leave now or embrace the white trash lust and marry him
He had a ladies night special at his place. Unlimited jello shots till 10, 50 cents after.
Yeah well my vagina has expectations too but they don't get met all the time.
Puked up what appears to be battery acid next to the treadmill. Everyone noticed.
I'm gonna cougar town the shit out of that prom.
Ok well hopefully you're not staging an intervention for me at your place because I'm bringing beers
What's the procedure for answering a booty call from someone under house arrest?
After passing out at the kitchen table, you woke up in my parents bed in between them. With no pants on.
I was giving you head in the kitchen, and when I looked up you were eating a quesadilla.
I woke up to him crying and pouring pixy stix in my mouth saying they would bring me back to life.
how did i manage to wake up with my bra on backwards?
Randomize
