Can't talk. I'm at the Tulsa Sheriff's office with a bunch of rednecks. I bet I'm the only one that voted for Obama.
I bet you're the only one who could read the ballott.
How do 1 in 4 women misread a pregnancy test; how stupid are women?
If burritos were dicks, we'd have a serious relationship problem on our hands. Just saying.
I can't get a boner in the bathroom of a buffet.
So I came home baked last night and made about 60% of my jeans into jorts...
She looked at me and said there is a 90% chance I am going to puke in the next 10 minutes. 10 minutes later she is in jack in the box throwing up. She has amazing timing.
Just headbutted a photographer. This convention just got really interesting.
I found a pair a guys underwear in my purse that has a British flag on it and says and I quote "British beef" what.the.fuck.
AND I JUST GOT FUCKING DAUGHTER ZONED. NO. I'M DONE. I HATE BOYS. ASEXUALITY HERE I COME.
I'm deleting Tinder. I got there he rubbed my back and then proceeded to jerk off on me.
then this guy just runs in screaming, "cant you see my daughter pissed herself???!!!" and that was the start of my 2016.
Was it cause you feel bad for the ridiculousness my vagina goes through because same
I got pull-out-my-nuvaring-drunk last night.
I really just gave up on masterbating because I'm too tired. I really am getting old.
so this hot guy who looks like brad pitt circa troy era in my physics lab is staring at me right now and it's taking all the willpower I have not to procreate with him right now.
Randomize
