it wouldnt have been so bad but she still had the cowboy hat on when my mom walked in
tell that swedish kid i didnt take his shotgun. he GAVE it to me.
He played a tape of his mad rapping skills after the final...his rapper name was Mad Stylz and he rapped about all the pussy he got in the 90's. I love Sociology.
Woke up to pictures of me cooking wings with a blow torch.
Its so fun. We're having a music war with the boat next to us. They have strippers.
My roommate says its rare that you can be tear gassed before you lose your virginity so i feel accomplished in life
Oh my god. I just RAN OVER a child. Oh my god this isnt my day. That kid was cool as fuck though
I paid your brother in tostitos to drive me home.
I'm having a hard time existing right now. When I figure out how it works ill be over.
My sheer presence has sent the hipsters running in terror. I expect no problems.
Just realized I've gone to court three different times with papers and a joint roller in my briefcase. #lawyeroftheyear
He interrupted me giving him head to ask if I were hungry, because he wanted to eat pizza. Wtf.
My face feels like a midget just gave birth to quintuplets
Why is there multiple peanut butter and toasts stuck to the fridge door?
I'm not gonna plow a chick in front of her 14 year old brother....
Randomize
