Got a plan. Ill do rock paper scissors and if you win we smoke a joint. Throw rock.
Sign #1 this conference will suck: Ice breaker question, how many proud virgins do we have in the room, overwhelming response. Looks like I'm not getting laid this weekend.
It took you an unbelievable amount of time to realize that your ass was on fire.
please dont tell anyone i was drunk
you were publicly making out with a very old very spandex covered woman...they know
he stopped talking to me after i tried to use his body as a surf board
Last I saw him was around 10 this morning. He was passed out on the porch with his head under the barbeque cover and there were cups of orange juice around him as well as loose tobacco spread everywhere. Good luck getting a hold of him.
I burst into tears on the boat this morning because we bumped a duck in the head. I am way too hung over for today
He tried to use a signal flare to light the bong
And?
He melted the stem
You know you're a heffer when you discover chocolate frosting on your smoking apparatus
If I get laid tonight it will 1.) Prove that the sex gods do in fact exist, and 2.) Show that I am one motherfucking badass bitch.
there's people who respect me enough not to bang on my bed and i think that's beautiful
You know you're high when, "Why can't I steal the duck?!" Becomes a serious question.
Like I could never be a lawyer because I would just look like a porn star impersonation of a lawyer.
BOOOOOOOOOOOO *takes away your hoe card*
It was weird, it was like my heart got a boner. Is this being an adult?
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