i want to bang the Snorg tees girl.. shes always smiling ;)
homeboy just tried to sext with me at 8:30 in the morning while I was on a job interview...
so you did it...
obv...but still...it was inconsiderate.
After we finished he asked if I knew if it was a boy or girl. Diet. Starts. Now.
What part of "you pissed in the tent" do you not understand?
I haven't gotten it in awhile but since spring break is next week I'm willing to have a pregnancy scare if it means no bleeding through the suit
Yeah wouldn't want it to interfere with beach sex. Nothing should interfere with beach sex
winnie the pooh came out of nowhere and offered me a burrito...it was a fucking amazing burrito.
I swear to god, if you fuck the hot one you're paying me back for the shot I just bought her
Drank a beer through my butt, how's your initiation going?
You were so drunk, you called my cruise control, the "auto pilot" and asked my car politely to take us to Taco Bell.
This family outing has commenced with me throwing up in an apple orchard
Dude he did say "let's go cougar hunting" and you KNEW your mom was going out last night...so it's kind of your own fault for not coming
The only way I'll cross anything off my to do list today is if I write 'eat melted cheese' on it
"We hooked up and in the morning he emailed me his mix tape"
I'm only coming over if you have cocaine or a snickers bar
Would you laugh at me if I told you I think I burned my nipples?
Randomize
