i need gas-x and some way to take back every single thing i did last night.
who loves string cheese????? I LOVE STRING CHEESE!!!
you know...if you didn't give such great head little things like this would ruin our friends with benefits relationship.
She just looked at him and said "I'm gonna fuck that" and it totally worked.
Ya, found out why there were rat traps in my bed. Guess I pissed in Sams room so he went to the store and got them and put them on my bed and put tabasco in his humidifier and put it in my room
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So as I left the Australian's hotel room, I said "Welcome to America. You're going to do just fine here."
It's like a double rainbow in both sides of the sky mixed with The Jeffersons.
How the fuck does a person bruise an armpit? I swear to god, I get the lamest drunk injuries.
I'm wearing sunglasses around my house. Douchebag status. The hangover is real.
After sex he just told me I'm definitely pregnant and it's a girl. Should I run?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Come share oat with me in your robe
It looks like you got dick slapped by the sandman..
Got out of the uber to projectile vomit in the McDonald's drive thru. Gonna take a break from the Cuervo for a while.
you told me I was being patronizing because I didn't want you to run barefoot across a construction site
Drunk me left sober me a shower beer in expectation of Hurricane Harvey. Drunk me is the best.
Are you still passed out in my back seat, or do I need to come find you?
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