Approach what situation? Look, I dunno if you think I'm like some lezbo cheetah waitin in some shrubs to pounce on you the second I see you, but I'm not!
well, everyone in my office is getting a nice laugh right now. But seriously... please delete my number
Remind me to never go to the bar with your Asian friends again. I need to be able to read or pronounce what I'm drinking.
My mom assumed I was crying because he was leaving. Figured that was better than explaining my eye's sensitivity to semen..
We're like Siamese twins, but joined at the genitals.
when you come home i just want to let you know we are cats now. and we are out of eggs.
you got in a fight with your imaginary friend last night when he didn't catch you after a surprise trust fall
There is nothing worse then the feeling after you've held in farts all night..
What's his name?
Would you like to get an apartment bong? It can be like our pet and we can give it a name.
Yeah, last night in the parking lot was hot. I'm sure whoever has the surveillance tapes thinks so too.
Well I didn't get a shacker shirt but I somehow managed to come home with superman socks
Hey beautiful no judgement but why is there a bucket of KFC chicken in the bathtub??
My sex toys have been held in customs for almost a month now. They're British, what the hell?!?
I don't remember what you did, but I DO remember that i'm supposed to hate you for it.
I woke up in the middle of the night with my dick out and my electric blanket on high. It's like she wanted a hot dog.
I would never blame a unicorn for anything.....how dare you
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