I sometimes forget that turkeys are alive even when its not Thanksgiving.
I took it to a new level. I'm procrastinating taking my adderall. Hate finals week.
I told her I had the flu when in reality I did way too many drugs last night, haven't slept and don't want to sit through a 3 hour buisness meeting trying to figure out which voices are real and which are in my head
I'm at about main and main street
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he just sent me a picture of his penis sticking through a piece of paper that he had drawn a stick figure with tits on it that said "you"
Me too. We could do it like prostitutes. No kissing on the mouth.
I saw a groundgog last night outside my back door. I now have a new wedding gift idea.
this could be the second dad I've smoked weed with
I refused to call him anything but Drake eyebrows all night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There's times when I need to be plowed... and I'm ashamed to admit auto correct was able to predict that entire sentence.
I'm not sure New Orleans is real. Even the grocery stores sell vodka.
I'm sorry you caught us fucking in your bathroom. If it makes you feel any better when I tried to put my pants back on I dropped them in the toilet.
Thanks for bringing that stuff to help me feel better...you know, the water, the Gatorade, and the dick. You really are the best friend ever.
CALL ME OLD FASHIONED BUT PEE IS FOR TOILETS
Ok, there are marshmallows shaped like elephants
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