I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! Live in the flesh!
my life trainwreck boards at 9:30
all you kept yelling was "i'm bored and i'm sober"
The last memory I have is vomiting into a box and her rubbing my back saying "you are such a trooper..."
Imagine a baby lion feeding on an injured gazelle and it tasting fresh blood for the first time. That's me and this breakfast sammich
I found the perfect eye liner, it passed the blow job test, no smudging!!
We had phone sex and he came in his sink. i will never eat off one of his plates again
He kept moaning America instead of Erica while fucking me.
Everyone should know the rule that if your dicks touch during a threeway you just make lightsaber noises and move on.
I saw that you sent me a photo and the first thing out of my mouth was "I swear if it's another photo of a dick poking out of a bubble bath"
Just saw a dude take a shot in the parking lot in his car. Too early in the semester for that
I am now "wine pairing" tums flavors with my strongbow, because apparently hard cider gives me heartburn.
I may have broke the toilet masturbating. On a positive note the floor is really clean now.
if i ever get to the point where i am moaning when i pee, please do the honorable thing and kill me.
It's 1:37. You have 23 minutes to get your dick to the bar before I go home with the bartender... tick... tick...
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