so the weed I found in my fridge is actually lettuce. tell jim I need that 5 bucks after all
your dick doesn't do me any good in arizona
well after we realized that his best friend and my twin sister were hooking up it was kind of an unsopken agreement that we would too
OH MY GOD. JESUS STRIPPER. THERE IS A JESUS STRIPPER HERE. A STRIPPER DRESSED AS JESUS.
may have given a homeless man 70 dollars in exchange for his sandals. so yea, i'm going as jesus for next halloween.
Get in the lobby, you have to sign my boxers
For future reference, the blowjob coupons I gave you for your birthday are NOT transferable to pay your friends for tacos.
Apple should advertise that their phones are puke-proof. They would appeal to a whole new audience.
That's the best thing about having gay dads, you don't gotta do shit on mothers da and everybody is down wit getting wasted on mimosas at brunch
So I hooked up with a guy with a mustache and woke up on a dragon futon underneath a dragon yin-tang tapestry... My life is spiraling in a weird way.
A conundrum I think only you would understand: how to classily post "I need a ride to the liquor store" on one's Facebook wall?
Oh no. Not her. Her personality clashes with mine in ways that would make me wanna beat myself with a stick.
It's hot as dicks out. Lets get drunk on the roof and make pterodactyl sounds at people.
Just give me 5 advils and some sunglasses and I'll knock out on this couch no problem.
You don't usually get feedback after a one night stand... But you hit it out of the park. I'm proud to call you a friend.
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