She'll never know what hit her
I dunno. Girls tend to recognize ball-to-chin contact.
remember when you told me, jokingly, to not get jizz on your shirt that i borrowed last night?
so last night my mother drunkenly told me that maybe the reason why I want to be a vet was because I was conceived doggy style.
I was just texting to see if your vagina was working yet.
i would bitch about being this hungover, but honestly im just happy to be alive after this weekend
We're doing kegstands for my 80th Bday, so don't lose that muscle tone.
They got me high and left me at the mall with a giftcard for $400. I need an adult.
I don't know what I would do if cheese never existed
Someone's stooooned
If you make 120 dollars and I walk instd of drive and don't eat or smoke this week we can pay rent
Relationships are fuckin' work. And you can't just up and leave with no questions when you really just need to get home because you're about to shit your pants.
You're so wise.
I wanted to make fun of someone saying that to an untrained ear, skrillex is blah blah blah. But it was too soon after they said it. And now I can't find it. These are real problems.
It would be weird sobbing cry sex.
Let's not share with anyone else in the apartment of how we simultaneously peed in the kitchen sink last night.....
Just don’t be like me and break up between Christmas and NYE and then get blackout on NYE and puke in your undies.
I'm not just straddling the line between love and hate, I'm dry humping the shit out of it
Randomize
