I haven't seen Daniella all day...are you sure she was safe going home with that guy?
oh don't worry! i asked him if he was a rapist. he said no
That sound you heard was the sound of millions of brackets exploding simultaneously
working out is totally making me break out.. i'm doomed to forever be either a butterface or a butterbod. there is no way out.
I have decided today is drunk costume day. That is, i woke up still drunk and found costumes all over my floor. Heck yes. This is happening. Come over. Drink.
He;s fine. He just kept saying "hurricane Gordon is coming to shore" and flexed his muscles a lot.
Im drinking a large pickle jar full of Emergency, water and left over pickle juice and I dont care.
Never visiting again. You guys drink like immortals
Of course I'm not above using aladdin and pot to get laid, this is america
Itll be like a collage of penis. And not that abstract, one penis in a big painting contemporary shit. Collage....
My sheer presence has sent the hipsters running in terror. I expect no problems.
I'm sitting on the couch playing the sims, how's ur night going?
I'm sitting on my floor, drinking wine, and listening to bette midlers "wind beneath my wings"
Why are our lives so predictable?
Woke up with a lip tattoo that says "fake news" in case you're wondering about my wellbeing
Sorry i ignored you for so long. I think my vibrator is broken.
i am currently wearing a bowl of frosting on my head. i do not regret any of my life choices leading to this moment
My ex-wife, who I haven't heard from since the divorce, just Amazoned me cherry flavored massage oil and a rainbow caps with the message "Happy Pride". What's the polite response?
Randomize
