last night was fun... but i spent all morning tring to get the candle wax out of my chest hair. We did use candles last night?
mom asked me why i'm never sober at family events, i told her i learned it from her.
Just told him about my threesome. if that doesn't make him want to date me nothing will.
I think my vagina was keeping me fat all these years out of self preservation. It's like she knew what would happen if I lost the weight.
Lives are in shambles. Livers are in disrepair. Our friend was missing for 2 days. His brother slept in a porta potty. God damn you college world series
He's talking about how great of a find these dollar store condoms were. Help.
He used the panoramic camera on his iPhone to take a picture of his dick. And it actually filled it. Pretty sure I just came.
I am laying in your bed and just found a bottle of wine under your pillow ...should have married you...
I left her alone for a few minutes and she's already using a guy on his hands and knees as a chair while another guy is serving her margaritas.
Thank god I work in a lab. This pinkeye is out of control and my safety glasses are the only thing stopping me from digging at my eye with a pen
girls shouldnt black out with american flag bandaids on their nips
Is it weird that I'm smoking a cig on my back patio in a sports bra and underwear?
She’s fine. Found her in the bathtub eating Cheerios and watching Rugrats on an iPad.
Eventually I will start sleeping with people who actually want to hangout with me the next day... But not today
he put a condom on for a handjob WTF
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