I'll go out only because I know the starving children in third-world countries would frown upon us if we let an hour of free sangria go to waste...
Right now im sitting at home and all i can think about is im eating calories and i should be out drinking them.
I'm not going to fuck him in his Honda Fit. That's gay.
Would it be a dick move to report the suite next-door for a noise violation? They're singing Bad Romance off-key and I'm not sure if I can allow that.
Have thirty minutes until my shift starts. My heart says liquor store but my future says no
Yeah, surprised you made it on time this morning. Remarkable, considering 2 hours ago you were pretending to be talking window curtains.
She was eating leaves off of trees and saying it was salad, and even told a guy in passing that her favorite color was plaid.
Get his dick out of your ass and put on some pants we're here
I feel like my vagina was punched by chuck Norris, a Brazilian chuck Norris.
"What's your dick like homie" is not really an acceptable thing to say out loud
HOW DO YOU FORGET TO FINISH WINE
Today I learned that I have a bigger dick than Draymond Green
Some girls mom just approved of me banging her on Fb.... For the whole world to see.. I'm officially a god.
Just ordered a pregnancy test off amazon. Fuck 2019
I just got out of a $280 speeding ticket by acting like The Big Lebowski. Seriously Jeff Bridges is the man.
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