woke up this morning with a pool of champagne in my purse. apparently i was saving it for later.
remember last night when you and I took turns yelling THIS IS HUGE in my dogs faces? I love wine night.
I think my penis ruined a perfectly good friendship.
Protocol on turning down a date from someone in the House of Representatives?
because drunk making out is frowned upon in museums i think
But today feels so special with katie getting herpes and me cleaning my room. Good things are happening.
I kind of learned that hotels are unnecessary. Boys will just take you home, but that's tough with a group. I believe in us, though.
i ran into my coworkers when i was walking home last night. i was shirtless. i think i gave my shirt to Walter. he's a cat.
im still drunk. birthday week begins.
He was bigger soft than my ex was hard. A gold medal rebound.
You just jumped of the couch and yelled "hidden tiger crouching dragon!" That's the answer to how you broke your finger.
Idk. It's not appealing to me. Like don't get me wrong, I love ur dick A LOT but I don't want to stare at it on an iPhone screen
Reached a new low last night. Passed out. With my pants down. On the toilet. At ihop. Waitress had to wake me up.
i know it looks like there's pee in the mayo jar in the fridge but i promise it's just apple juice that wouldn't fit in the jug after i added the booze.
YOUR TO-DO SEX LIST CANNOT CONSIST ENTIRELY OF MY THREE BEST FRIENDS
and their significant others
AND THEIR SIGNIFICANT OTHERS
I no longer need a flask. I need a canteen.
Randomize
