insurance, jail, and birth control were made for people like us.
Last night I ate the rest of the salsa with my hands. And i DONT have a hangover? Glorious.
We came back and there was a shotglass filled with what looks like blood. Come over soon, we're gonna try it out.
so I'm coping with getting the "I'm not over my ex" bomb dropped on me by getting drunk and yelling at people while wearing a purple princess hat
At the party. I feel like I just walked into a lifesize blunt.
I'm so prepared to puke on walk of shame tomorrow that I'm putting a toothbrush and toothpaste in my purse the night before. And to think, my dad thought I wouldn't make it in college.
Safe to say I relapsed into my old chatroulette drunk flashing days.
I woke up and found cookies in my purse. It's a 12/12/12 miracle.
Well pulled into the driveway, and there she was. Kinda like a Vegas version of the mint on a pillow
I bruised my dick hopping over that fence last night
Listen it's no longer the walk of shame to class when ur leaving the frat house and the brothers ask "when are coming back home"
it was one of those unspoken contracts of silence like "I teach your daughter and you work at a strip club"...I don't tell if you don't
He was only in jail for 4 hours before he was someone's prison wife
Fuck me I smell like cheese
I want a dick in my left hand and a Crunch Wrap Supreme in my right hand.
Randomize
