Gave out candy dressed as a porn star...bet you can guess how the mothers kept reacting.
how in the hell can u get pulled over when ur car is parked.
I wonder if he just picks random boners to send or just the realy impressive ones
I definitely made out with a high school student last night while his sister and my brother were in the same room. I think we're all traumatized by the situation.
Chick in class has 69 tattooed on the back of her neck. Target acquired.
I just got my beard fondled by a drunk chick outside the venue. I feel slightly violated. And I think her boyfriend wanted to fight me.
Sex on acid. Try it. I thought we were fucking in outer space with fireworks inside a rocketship car. Best.
I had to rename my dildo. I met a little kid who named his teddy bear the same name. It just felt wrong.
I expected better sex from someone with the word CHAOS tattooed above his dick. But on the bright side, he was down to watch a documentary on Honey Badgers afterwards so I guess I'll keep him around.
Did you really just reference your penis in a pep talk? I think I may love you more now.
I did cocaine with my cab driver all night. It was the best date.
He shit with the door open. I think that means we are in a realtionship.
It’s like my vagina just knows when a man is a barrel-chested freedom fighter.
I just ran into my psychology professor at Planned Parenthood she asked why I was there and I asked why she was there and it turns out we both had a scare.#bonding because of abortion.
What better than a girl who loves jager, sexts like a champ and is down for t-bell at any hours of the night? oh wait, NOTHING.
Randomize
