we better have passed that bar exam - i dont want to have to drink like this again
while fucking on the counter the whip cream was conveniently right next to us. i love thanksgiving
a garbage man just dropped off my phone and wallet. he found them in the trash this morning.
also. he gave me a foot massage during 69ing when i got a cramp. he's a winner.
Just saw a porn entitled "Nad Biter". Redheads are now forever out of the picture.
He's got a wife and three kids but I'm into being that mistake.
I'm standing outside of the bar watching homeless men teach a kid how to pee of the sidewalk.
This guy just told me he wanted to bathe in bong water with me and then tried to lick my nipple through my bra. This could be love.
Want to go swimsuit shopping? First one who cries buys ice cream.
And now you understand the importance of Saturday naps.
Because you stay up all night having sex and eating sushi?
I don't know what happened this summer, I've lost my sense of morality. All I do now is work, get drunk, and have sex near national landmarks.
you got in a fight with your imaginary friend last night when he didn't catch you after a surprise trust fall
You said too many real things and now I need to crawl back inside my protective fort of sarcasm, being an asshole, and sass
I feel I should send an apology letter to my anesthesiologist.
She could hold her breath for a long time. Best underwater blowjob ever.
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