i can now get sex on a playground off my list of things to do in life.
I caught myself masturbating while watching a baseball game today. It was over before I realized what was going on. And then I was just confused.
i'm really high, and this is sooooooooooo important. how many frosties does it take to fill a bathtub?
you know how you have to have just the right ratio of chips to sandwich? same goes for pubes.
Omg. The strippers are having a batman vs spiderman showdown. Both on stage. Genius.
also found a pic of my head in the microwave from the other night.. hmm
Me too it's so nice. Debated studying out there but woulda been 90% babe-watching 5% flexing 3% studying and 2% talkin my boners down.
Hooker in the library. I repeat, we have a hooker in the library. This is not a drill.
Pretty sure I was impersonating Rihanna when I kept asking him what my name was while we were making out
I cannot lay down. I will throw up my life and your life and the class hamster I had in third grade.
The magician guy on probation is here at the bar. I'm gonna get him to show me a trick
What happened last night and why am I partially covered in queso?
I just watched an old episode of Daria while eating brownies to cure day drunkness. Clearly I'm winning at adulting today.
a day off where I don’t get laid would be worthless
I’ve slept with a Senior, a Freshman and a Junior so far. I’m a Sophomore away from hitting for the cycle
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