Last night this chick queefed when I was going down on her. Thinking if you! xo
somehow in between the body shots the bong hits and trying to convince the 7-11 lady to let me fill up my vodka bottle with cherry slurpee. i misplaced my car.
I blew a .224 after sleeping for 6 hrs, cleary im a champion
Sharpest. Poop. Ever.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There's a show on the Discovery Channel about T-Rex sex. I think this just made my life.
Sorry I didn't text you for coffee this morning...bad life decision Saturday sorta rolled into Monday...
He told the cop he was underage, handed the cop his ID, and the police report read "I then informed the suspect that he was not, in fact, underage"
I realised my life had gone downhill since being unemployed when I was making key lime pie on acid at 3am Tuesday morning.
Sweating vodka and spray tan, I feel like a trophy wife.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
nana can keg stand better than me. should i be proud?
I had to puke in a ditch beside a cow pasture and like 50 cows just stood there and watched. I could feel the judgment.
Yup on the verge of buzzed and drunk. I managed to make my way into my cat's box house to fall asleep. I'm comfortable
No one with a hairstyle like that is allowed to insult anyone for anything
But on the bright side the arresting officer was just as hot as I remember and I took a pretty okay mugshot.
As a side note, can you ask the maintenance staff not to drag their balls on our stairwell handrails. Please.
Randomize