Yesterday I was informed there is a jewish dating website called jdate, I'm considering joining out of academic curiosity
Do you still have your period?
apparently i walked up to the counter, put $30 worth of snacks next to this girl, and went 'uhh i have no money'
I drank like a thousand beers last night and my poo is solid, not gross like usual. I think this means I've grown up.
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
Just so we both are on the same page, I have no solid plans as to where I'll be sleeping tonight.
Dude you need to stop whoring out my boobs. They are for emergencies only.
its official. the only way for my hair to look good is to blow somebody
All I got from that conversation with the officer was "blah blah blah, you're disgusting, blah blah blah, $500 fine, blah blah blah, be in court Tuesday."
I'm by the dj to the left. Come get me now this girl is talking about baby names and I dnt even no hers
I can't see you
I'm the only one that's wearing a tarzan outfit get your ass over here you douche
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
The extent of "getting it in" was this creepy guy sticking his finger in my bellybutton
Everybody needs breakup sex. You just happened to get yours from a dude who hasn't reached the point of breakup yet. No biggie.
I am a good friend because I got you a bagel. I am a bad friend because I ate half of it.
I'm going to write a new song and call it "Did I wax my vagina for this?" remind me to never go across the country for a penis ever again.
That was when I yelled "Wisconsin powers activate!" and took off sprinting across the ice
When she says 'Polish hangover cure' she just means more vodka. Don't do it.