The liquor store wont accept checks from us anymore.
do you think its obvious that we spent all afternoon playing naked body oil twister?
don't judge, it's breakfast wine Wednesday.
An hour ago, you were stranded out of state, and now you're getting laid? You are a god. Whatever you do, don't ask her name.
Dating After Heartbreak
The next time you try to involve a tickle me Elmo in my orgasm, I'm leaving you
there's a strong possibility i came on your eyeliner last night bathroom sex was unplanned and rather messy sorry
There was another blizzard last night and at one point I was drinking 3 beers at once. Driving home didn't seem like a wise option
Muscle is literally tearing itself off of my shins. No I am not going on another bar crawl with you.
Pick me up at 9.
I enjoy the level of friendship we have achieved until you ask me to determine what may or may not be gentile warts via iphone pic
These Images Prove Chrissy Teigen is the Funniest Model Alive
My liver appreciates your vow of avoiding matrimony
Just don't let me get too drunk. At one point I pulled out my dick and pissed at that party. Like on the wall.
His mom said he was in the ER and asked for prayers and positive thoughts. Apparently, me wishing the clap on him is not what she had in mind.
I just need some breakup sex yanno like filthy wish fulfilling breakup sex to make me forget what I never had
Just don't have sex while watching Home Alone. It will ruin Christmas for you.
These tits shall not be calmed