the best job he will get is a sex ed teacher in alabama
I came home to burning cookies and him outside "tanning" naked.
He just wants an even tan
we agreed that it was acceptable to get the cat high as long as we gave her a lot of food.
the best sex is "duke just lost" sex.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
thanks for at least making it out of the pool before you threw up
at what point last night did i decided to have a photo shoot with your camel toe
well I was pissed. first he yelled at me for having my own condoms, then he got mad when they didn't fit him. Dude, I only fuck magnum men.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO GET MY FUCKING CUPCAKES WHEN THE GROUNDSWORKER I HOOKED UP WITH IS LOITERING IN THE VENDING AREA
I still don't understand if he's using me to write his resume or if we're dating
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Oh man. I am high, watching The Office and getting pancakes. What a country.
I started carrying sissors in my purse to open plan B with. Both ashamed and proud.
I'm eating cookie dough with a tongue depressor for lunch.
I’m also apparently a very socialist drunk now
Instead of a horny one. All I want to fuck is capitalism these days.
Oh my god, my vagina is cursed. He's cursed my vagina so that no one but him can maintain a boner around me. I'm sure of it.
It's so obvious he's evil. I mean, would a non-evil person have facial hair like that?
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