i'm sick of taking my pants off and seeing a look of disappointment on the girls face. i want her to be frigthened
epic walk of shame this morning involving 2 subway transfers. I need to start sexing locally.
I'm so fucking pissed that I wasted my shooting star wish on him and his little penis.
I'm doing shots of crown out of a baby bottle. My friends are sensational parents.
Guy Shares All The ‘New Discoveries’ He’s Made Since Moving In With His Girlfriend And It’s Hilariously Relatable
I'm sitting by myself in my bra eating a waffle and drinking pineapple rum. gamedaaaayyyyyyy
we got plastered, then made lists of anything thats ever been in our vaginas
I know. Brad is upset because he was lower on the list than "that carrot stick"
Word is he has some crazy hawaiian STD
I'm not throwing down for dinner because I plan to have so much tequila I puke it up anyways. How much is a cab home?
It's my coworker's last day party and I'm the one who ended up shitfaced on the train with half a bottle of belvedere in my bag.
Guy Accidentally Starts A Group Chat With All The Girls He’s Talking To And Gets Absolutely Roasted
At one point I thought we were going to have to fuck our way out of their apartment
It sounds like drunken magic sprinkled w narcotics
My life is a clusterfuck of men and disorderly priorities right meow.
Eating power bars and masterbating... That's kinda my life right now. Is this what having a boyfriend means?
Currently watching high school football on ESPN. Drink every time they say 'this kid's got potential' or 'look at this kid go' or 'atta kid' We're done for..
I think I'm emotionally ready to start being a slut again. I'm excited.