I'm at the doctor and the male nurse (haha) asked me if I smoked, drank or did drugs, and when he said 'drugs' he looked me right in the eye and did a perfect wrist rocket.
Anderson Cooper interviews Obama. It's like CNN is teasing and broadcasting my dream 3 way.
Girl just texted me a pic of her boobs with the caption "don't think I'm a whore"
after last night i think it would be a good idea if i wrote a will... you know, just in case.
These 25 People Are Obsessed With Pizza
you busted in the room, ripped the covers off of us, ... and fist pumped
I will now attempt to shave my public hair into a Christmas tree.
she made out with a stripper. how was scrabble night with your girlfriend
FYI the landlord called and plumbers will be tearing up the bathroom tomorrow. Apparently the tub is leaking into the apt below us so be sure to pee in the shower today.
My neighbor just watched me eat a granola bar without pants, this is a whole new level of unemployed
16 Sexual Experiences EVERYONE Should Have At Least Once
It was perfect I came I passed out in his comfortable bed then a glass of jack Daniels fell from the bed post and spilled all over my face
He has in a pan: ten pieces of bacon, two cloves of garlic, an egg (not scrambled or hard boiled, just an egg) and frozen corn.
I have never smelled more like a drunk mariachi band than I do right now.
I knew my sign language would come in handy. I just used sign to coordinate a coke deal.
it's like my freshman wet dream come true
Dude just bought the table 3 bottles of champaign and broke one on the floor as his "signature" and he makes me want this recession hit harder