i just pooped in tubberware. not a proud day
I hate myself for knowing the words to party in the USA.
Reindeer Drinking Games will soon commence. Get over here while we're still sober enough to answer the door.
My cousin's dog just exhaled smoke. My job here is done.
is it sad that I can recall my outfits by who took them off?
your ex girlfriend just barged in my house, drunk, mumbled something about "car strip", and put a huge hole in my drywall with her head.
In 30 minutes I will have been sober for an entire month. Time for a celebratory lap of cheap alcohol that leads to early liver failure.
But happy liver failure. That's what counts.
I'm. Arresyed bur sierra ue obbe of mt vet friends. I hope we can tyajk ane gwt ob the same page. Ur aweaome ttyl.
You know what, I don't care that I got too drunk and didn't make it into the boat party. If I had, I probably wouldn't have peed on you later while we soundly slept. I feel you need that in a best friendship.
Why the hell did you invite him? He's gonna bring two more inches of dick and zero fun.
After my mom met Tanner, she literally turned and said "he's from old money, top of his class at Emory, already has doctors courting him for jobs and judging from your vocal performance the other night, he's gifted in bed. Fake a pregnancy right now"
I come from her. Holy hell.
Just so you know.. If you ever cheat on me, i will cut your dick and fingers off and post them as my cover photo on Facebook. Love you.
I dare you to find another dealer that delivers bud to your home along with deep fried vegan burritos
Someone just needs to roll me into a blanket burrito and feed me drugs
Had a one night stand and didnt remember the guys name until he started sending me poems in the mail.
Randomize
