i'm three days dirty after drinking 14 hours last night and some other questionable behavior (hula hooping at a large concert, for example) i will just always bring the class. and the sluttiness.
I woke up with my face in a pile of pancakes and 3000 mistakes.
That's the secret to virgins: blizzards.
I was scared of Debbie's boobs today. They were all huge and scary looking
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i'm saving my butt for my wedding night
I don't think there's a better bc pill reminder then when teen mom comes on
I'm lonelier than Tom Hanks in Cast Away, right meow. Ready to make this bong my Wilson.
Did the game of beer pong go wrong before or after the cops and fire department showed up?
let's see, i ended up walking for an hour towards a macdonalds that didnt exist, sprinted full tilt into a powerline, and left a 30 dollar tip to a waitress at dennys we made friends with. I REGRET NOTHING
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Breathalizer & tazer party did not go as casually as expected.
Ever walked into a basement full of 10 guys jerking it to a live stripper? Cause I have. Always confirm the address of a house party. Always.
I hate to stick you with the friend but I did all the work.
Know what I do when I'm in that mood? Whenever anyone talks to me I just hiss like a cat. They go away.
But really, what kind of hoe life adventure in Mexico would you do that would top me blowing a trucker?
No, I told him I was busy again this weekend. Eventually he’ll learn. Plus, absence makes the cock grow harder
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