Free body shot off of Sarah. Expires never.
So we sucessfully lit our bathtub on fire. Thought you should know.
Lost is over, my longest committed relationship is coming to an end.
You came back with four clearly unattractive women and wanted to throw a dance party in my room.
Hey just to warn you theres a really fat guy passed out in front of our front door snoring. Don't touch him, he's in god's hands now.
You ordered 6 boxes of pizza and laughed in the pizza guys face when you didn't pay for any of them.
Ice cream after masturbating>masturbating any other time
I think I found out what we're going be for Halloween....Alcohol poisoning victims.
There's a black statue of liberty dancing on the side of the road. Please hold while I join him.
Then mom squeezed my boob and said, "Dad would go nuts if I had these..."
I had to sit there with his three fat aunts talking about a bunch of 50 Shades knockoff books.
I felt like a taxi, but my meter was running up minutes he would be eating me out that night.
SOMEONE WITH THE TWITTER HANDLE "METHLAB" FAVORITED THAT PICTURE
I need a good cry or an orgasm and neither of them are gonna happen to me and i'm so frustrated
I'm on a party bus with a stripper pole with middle aged women who have all started drinking
God bless your soul.
also, I think I lit my hair on fire when I got home..
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