life is all about the fine print - all i wanted was a fucking pony.
this bucketlist has just become an excuse for me to be slutty, and i'm not even ashamed
He said that if more girls show up hes not going to ask ages... Spoken like a true sex offender
Apparently I grabbed her ponytail and cut it with an exacto knife.
We're gonna have horrible, horrible babies.
You slid down the bannister into a split. Lines were crossed.
I just shit a hot coal. Pretty sure it's that fireball shot from yesterday.
She said she didn't feel right fucking on her parents dining room table I grabbed the only thing around bubblewrap she blew me for creativity
The guys who program Autocorrect have never seen a vagina in person
My intervention, when it happens, should have vanilla cake....buttermilk icing.
When's the best time to point out that all of my orgasms this year have been self-administered? Valentine's day?
If you could get me there thatd be perfect. I doubt there's extradition on the moon.
I feel like I haven't slapped your ass in years. This will be awesome.
Punched myself in the face trying to open a bottle of Vicodin one handed. Night is going well.
My vagina likes him more than I do, but I’m going to follow her lead and see what happens
Randomize