Um, I don't know who U MEANT to send that to, but yes I WAS going to fuck you. Instead you can go play Halo with ur friends.
You asked the officer if he could bring you to the same jail as T.I.
i just got painted green i'm not about to leave for anything
50 year old business women like dick too. Come on she said you looked like Ricky Martin.
Fair enough. Everyone has some guilty pleasures. Yours is yourself
This Halloween will be different. I'm just here to get shitfaced, not troll around looking for slutty nun pussy.
we got kicked out of her coke dealer's house when we wouldn't stop quoting "a league of their own"
communist
Eh maybe I should give her a chance. Let's see where making a porno takes the friendship
Legitimately sent a work email with "Hey, you kids, get off my lawn" as the subject line.
She used my 100 Ways To Cope With Stress handout to wipe puke off her face
I fucked him twice and then he set me up with his teammate. This kid does wonders for me
My New Years resolution is to not hook up with random guys.
Mine is to not hook up with anyone who has a kid.
I just got home and spray-tanned my boyfriend. That's the side of relationships they don't tell you about...
I mean I'm completely serious and also drunk.
What a great combination.
I've seen too many naked penises for this to be a normal Monday morning
Randomize
