those girls across the street saw me hanging my towel off of my penis...they're coming over later
is it sad that i can masturbate and get my big O just from thinking about a Tiffany engagement ring?
he wanted to have me eat skittles off of his body. he mad gay sex even gayer.
So there I was.....spitting on my goldfish just to keep it alive.
I gotta stop tellin complete strangers at the bar that they're the godparents to my first born
im at work. we just had a random 14-year-old amish girl come in and gift us with cinnamon rolls as thanks for letting her use the bathroom. i dont even know.
I've hit an all time low I just sent a boob pict to fat Randall the one I gave a partial bj to a year a a half ago
yup and then I snapped out of it and realized I was playing beer pong against a 4 year old... and losing
The fake number she gave me was for Pappa John's. Now I have a large pepperoni on the way.
I just swallowed confetti and motor-boated some guys beard...#happy2015
I'm drunk doing an ab workout. I can only hope I make it to bed tonight.
Holy fuck, my entire boob is bruised! Lierally my boob is just one big bruise.
Found this cake smashed up inside a box on the sidewalk. Im saying yes to adventure and eating some.
Taking a nap. Sidewalk cake kicked my ass. It had boston creme filling!
Well the cops were called after the kid fell, but we saw 4 cute guys from our window while it was going down, so it wasn't all that bad.
Highlight of the day: got a bunch of drunks to sing baby shark.
Randomize
