I may have pooped in your shoe. or somewhere else in your closet. its unclear.
i lnow ive slrrwsdy teted you this. but goddamn girl on tv is a good song
I am trying to figure out how to tell this kid i have a boyfriend in a way that still allows me to smoke free weed
I'm not upset because i like you. I'm upset because I can't use you for the sex anymore.
I feel like strippers are like dogs, the more you show you're terrified the faster they come at you.
Ok- my dad's ex-wife's Irish nephew. Weird if we fuck or not?
I think it's awesome that you're getting shower sex advice from a Mormon.
"Grocery shopping" is really just a euphemism for spending $20 on enough frozen food to last 2 weeks and spending the rest of your viable paycheck on alcohol.
I GOT JUDGED BY A GUY WORKING AT THE LEAST CLASSY STRIP CLUB. Peeing isn't a right, it's a privilege.
I just took the batteries out of the xbox remote so she could replace the dead ones in her vibrator If that's not love I don't know what is
Hey sorry about last night. can I come pick up my tooth?
Apparently I thanked the paramedics over and over again for saving the "happy new year" beads that I was wearing
We were fucking in the bedroom then we heard Sports center on in the living room. He stopped midfuck when I started celebrating that my team won over his
Can I come over and get it in, take a nap in ur bed, grab some poptarts and then leave?
You haven't lost that air of class about you...
He sent me the milestone first dick pic this morning, it looked like a baby's fist holding a tree trunk. I'm frightened and aroused in equal measure.
Randomize
