A hot woman with candy. This is what heaven is filled with
This girls a $30 bar tab from being bi
how was your night?
well, i just purchased 'sorry for being a drunk whore' cupcakes. how do you think my night was?
woke up with 15 BAGS of hot dog buns in my passenger seat... jameson strikes again
I vomitted in the hotel where they film gossip girl last night. Everywhere.
My suggestion that we all just smoke some weed was greeted with a uncomfrotable silence and a 'maybe later'. These are not our people
What do you need? A swimsuit and a liver of steel? What else?
She just drunkenly falls over and yells " I lost my footing!" in a british accent and then proceeds to run into the wall... did you spike her water?
I think he should just go away to a small penis island and never come back
Today I learned that when you lick a mans butthole, you get wined and dined at a nice french restaurant.
Glass of stolen champagne in a to go cup = tastiest hangover cure ever
I came back from England with a face tattoo and the only thing anyone can talk about is my beard.
you smell like vanilla and daddy issues
I just saw a guy in a zippo shirt buy 2 gallons of fire starter fluid and then proceed to smoke a cigarette. I feel like hes got some big plans for his tuesday.
I'm having to shit out rocks
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