My parents took my cat for a ride in the car. Second weekend in a row. They think its fun. Dear God
I've decided to film a documentary centered around how he manages to keep that beast caged in such tight pants
He was sucking on my finger.... and it was at that moment that I thought: Man. I wish I had a penis.
I'm trapped in whichever ring of hell is populated by inbred yokels and type 2 diabetes.
i actually have a tan line from him holding my boob while we were sunbathing
I had to throw up. it was the only way to avoid kissing her after she swallowed..
I feel like I've been drunk all of June. And I am in NO WAY ashamed about it.
Blood and glitter go together right?
She makes walking on a treadmill look like a porno. I wish I could send over shots as an ice breaker.
That's effing brilliant. We should start a business.
the fact that you have a guy named the "i want you to tie me up and fuck me" guy speaks volumes about your life.
He blacked out and wouldnt drink anything unless he funneled it, so I made him funnel water
If my emotions are below a 3 or above a 7, I'm crying
just blew him in the library. I am a classy dame
WHAT THE FUCK HAPPENED. WHO CAME HOME WITH ME. WHAT THE FUCK RESPOND ASAP I AM SO CONFUSED
Dude she is fucking shit up. Her baby would be proud
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