dude, my face is all kinds of fucked up right now. and don't even start with i told you so...
THEY HAVE A VOMIT TROUGH.
What?
A TROUGH FOR VOMIT.
im still trying to figure out who put the honey mustard in the blender then put the entire blender into the freezer
Well, I didn't bring a notebook or any paper to class. Should I take notes on the sugar packet, lace thong, or condom wrapper that instead are in my school bag?
I'm pretty sure I just had a convo with my hot pockets about how they weren't good enough for the oven.
He licked the chalk off his shirt, then spat the Mountain Dew from his mouth onto the shirt and sucked on it. And thats him sober.
I was ashamed to still be in my green tank this morning, but there's a guy here in full on bright green pants and a green blazer. He looks like the lucky charms guy stretched out at drunker than usual. Now, I fade into the background.
If a vagina could give out awards, you should be preparing an acceptance speech.
I'm getting shit face wasted, and I have to be up so early tomorrow. I am bad at smart.
You shouted, "LOOK I'M HAWKEYE," and beaned mike with a dildo from across the room.
YOU CANT FOOL THE TOILET
How many ballsacks did you see last night because I saw eight
Asking me to suck on my nipples isn't going to make me less mad at you.
You sent me a pic of you peeing in two separate directions
and like half a dozen dick pics
Apparent my drunk ass was so dedicated to taking a piss, when I walked across the dance floor to get to the bathroom a 9/10 broad tried to dance with me and I just pushed her aside, like hard enough to send her a few feet from where she was standing, pointed at her and said "Not now chief, gotta rock a mean one."
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